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Humour

This category contains 24 posts

Has North Korea’s Kim Jong-un replaced John Boehner as Speaker of the House?


We have met the enemy and it is us: we have become too tired to be effective and hence are becoming indifferent. The charade on Capitol Hill continues, and not only about the nuke “deal” with Iran. Will the carnival end before it’s too late, or will Obama continue to win? The House speaker is elected by … Continue reading

China’s anti-fascist parade indistinguishable from fascist parade


To commemorate the 70th anniversary of China’s triumph over the Imperial Japanese Army in 1945, China’s communist leaders have orchestrated a massive shutdown of Beijing on a scale not seen since the same city was occupied by the Imperial Japanese Army in August 1937. Banners have been suspended from bridges across the city, urging citizens to “Celebrate liberation from … Continue reading

North Korea announces bold new peace plan (satire)


Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Kim Wu-hu, the highly respected director of North Korea’s Ministry of Everlasting Truth. She is variously believed to be Kim Jong-un‘s sister or illegitimate daughter. Kim Jong-un (also known as Kim Chi-un), the universally beloved Dear Leader of the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of Korea, today announced a bold … Continue reading

The two-cow theory: Capitalism in America, China and around the world


Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, … Continue reading

Japan bans porn exports to China in retaliation for seizure of cargo ship


The dispute between China and Japan showed no signs of abatement yesterday, after Japan was reported by domestic media to have taken steps to ban the export of specialist pornography to China. Japan is believed to also be behind the blocking of all porn sites in China, which the Chinese government is reporting as domestic … Continue reading

China’s media abandons search for Japanese link to missing plane


After spending weeks combing through official reports, attending press conferences and interviewing aviation insiders, China’s official news agency Xinhua has officially called off the search for a Japanese link to the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370. On Friday morning, Beijing bureau chief Qian Congmin convened the agency’s top news editors for a special meeting, … Continue reading

John Kerry will seek an audience with Kim Jong-un in North Korea


Secretary of State Kerry has had at least two historic diplomatic successes recently: demanding that Israel give the Palestinians whatever they want in exchange for destruction peace and begging Iran and her Supreme Leader Khamenei to be slightly more discrete about their acquisition and development of nukes. With those successes behind him, having little else to do … Continue reading

China and U.S. amazed that North Korea landed on the Sun


Having been briefed by top security advisers about North Korea’s success in landing an astronaut on the Sun, President Obama today announced his decisive response. China has also bowed to North Korea’s superior technology. On January 21st, a satirical post “appeared at the Waterford Whisper News…” mimicking typical North Korean propaganda; it proclaimed: The State News Agency of … Continue reading

Britain could miss out on crazy, pointless war with China, says important American


Cuts to Britain’s armed forces mean the country will be ‘left on the sidelines’ when America invades China. Robert Gates, former US defence secretary, stressed that Britain would no longer be America’s ‘full crazy partner in war’. He said: “Your military will be dropping food from its only helicopter while the US Marines are surging … Continue reading

China’s lunar rover litters on moon, writes name in Bay of Rainbows


Just days after Jade Rabbit’s historic moon landing, incriminating photos have surfaced which show China’s rover littering and writing its name in the Bay of Rainbows, reigniting an old debate about the behavior of Chinese tourists abroad. Newly released photographs from the Hubble Space Telescope clearly show the rover using tire tracks to write “Jade … Continue reading

China declares Lunar Defence Obliteration Zone


Following the successful launch of its first lunar rover, the Chinese government has declared a defensive zone extending vertically from China into space and encompassing the moon. The Lunar Defense Obliteration Zone, according to newly appointed space minister Wu Houyi, “will protect China’s core interests and interplanetary sovereignty.” All foreign spacecraft, satellites, comets and space debris … Continue reading

Japanese Prime Minister to visit Yasukuni Shrine wearing fake moustache; China not fooled


Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe may make an offering at Yasukuni Shrine later this week, media reported on Wednesday. The news comes as a surprise, because Abe himself had previously made clear that he would skip the traditional visit to the shrine this year. Critics have pointed out that Abe visiting the shrine, a symbol … Continue reading

Newly discovered ancient maps support Chinese territorial claims


A number of Belgian newspapers today reported a story about the discovery of a number of ancient maps that could offer support for several of China’s territorial claims in South East Asian and other parts of the globe. The maps in question were discovered in the library of Arenberg Château, a 16th century castle now … Continue reading

After succesful submarine missile test, India now considers buying submarines; is China worried?


In news hailed by ammunition manufacturers worldwide, India has successfully tested the 290 km range Brahmos supersonic underwater cruise missile. A jubilant scientist announced that “this was the first time a cruise missile has been successfully launched vertically from a submerged platform.” A submerged platform was necessary as India currently has no submarines capable of … Continue reading

A literally translated map of China


From ‘Auspicious Forest’ to ‘Happy Establishment’: Translating Chinese province names into English produces some unexpected humor. One of the pleasures of studying the Chinese languageis realizing that a huge number of words actually consist of combinations of smaller words. For example, the word for camera, zhaoxiangji, literally translates as something like “mutual flash machine”. Which, if you … Continue reading

Fish flee after China claims Bay of Bengal (humour)


In developments that our editor refuses to call fishy, China‘s geopolitical muscle-flexing has led to a major exodus of marine wildlife. Schools of petrified fish were observed to be fleeing in panic moments after Xinhua announced that the Bay of Bengal was now officially part of the South China Sea. This is based on recently … Continue reading

John Cleese On Security


How we Brits Cope with Terrorism. Reposted from: “John Cleese On Security” at This Day – One Day The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even … Continue reading

Motorbike Repairs


This was supposedly printed in a Florida newspaper.  It tells the story of a man, his motorcycle, an exploding toilet, and the need for good medical insurance. A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it … Continue reading

Woman Beats Up Fiance At Prenup Party


A Poulsbo woman was jailed after being accused of beating up her fiance at their prenuptial party. Kitsap County sheriff’s deputies said the woman’s 12-year-old son told her he saw her fiance kissing one of her women friends early Thursday morning. Deputies said the woman, 31, gave her friends the boot, told her fiance to … Continue reading

Only In America


While living in America, I made the following observations, which I found quite curious: Pizza gets to your house faster than an ambulance. There are handicap parking places in front of skating rinks. Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can … Continue reading

Murphy’s Law


“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong” is commonly known as Murphy’s Law.  The fact that Murphy was actually an aero-space engineer, who worked on safety-critical systems, may be cause for some concern. Major Edward Aloysius Murphy’s original statement was apparently along the lines “If there’s more than one way to do a job, … Continue reading

Origins Of Bonza


Bonza is an uniquely Australian word, meaning excellent, attractive, pleasing, remarkable or wonderful.  For an Australian to call something bonza is considered high praise indeed, but where does the word come from? It seems to have entered use around 1900-1905.  The first time it was used in print, with the alternative spelling of bonzer, seems … Continue reading

Makes No Scents


Every morning, I wake up, and have a shower. I use scented shampoo and scented conditioner to make my hair smell nice. I use scented soap and scented body wash to make me smell nice all over. Then I use a scented deodorant to keep me smelling nice all day. I also use a scented … Continue reading

John Cleese Letter to USA (November 2000)


NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE November 8 2000 To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will … Continue reading

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