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After succesful submarine missile test, India now considers buying submarines; is China worried?


The Project-75 India submarines are nothing but a mere pipedream at present

The Project-75 India submarines are nothing but a mere pipedream at present

In news hailed by ammunition manufacturers worldwide, India has successfully tested the 290 km range Brahmos supersonic underwater cruise missile.

A jubilant scientist announced that “this was the first time a cruise missile has been successfully launched vertically from a submerged platform.”

A submerged platform was necessary as India currently has no submarines capable of launching this weapon.

After the successful test of the missile, Defence Ministry officials have now put submarine acquisition on high priority. “If we work day and night,” said a Defence Ministry official, “We should be able to start the bidding process in just three to four years.

This means that within less than a decade, India will have the capability to launch the missile they have just tested.”

What will happen if war breaks out in the intervening period? “Robert Vadra will throw the missiles towards China,” said the official. “This is why he spends so much time in the gym.”

Global Arms Industry analysts see this as an encouraging trend. “India has always been the birthplace of innovation,” said Ms. Jane of Jane’s Defence Weekly.

“By separating the purchase of ammunition from the purchase of actual weapons to use them with, India has opened up vast new opportunities for the arms industry.”

As per this new trend, officials in the Ministry of Defence have announced that India will soon purchase tyres in bulk, for jeeps that have yet to be purchased, as well as large quantities of shells, for guns which we do not have, along with mountains of pasta, to feed Italians who may be temporarily arrested in the future.

An officer of the Indian Administrative Service, who chose to remain anonymous, has revealed that this new government policy may not be restricted to the defence sector.

“So what if certain hospitals have not yet been built?” he said, “It makes sense to purchase the medicines and the equipment. That way, we are prepared.”

Similar is the case for schools and textbooks. Also public sanitation and toilet bowls. We will be accumulating large quantities of toilet bowls, in anticipation of future bathroom construction, as per a five-year plan which will be developed by Shri Montek Singh Ahluwalia.”

In related news, the Chinese Defence Ministry has declared itself unable to respond, due to what one source described as “uncontrollable giggling.”

Inspiration: Times of India – “India tests underwater BrahMos missile, but has no submarine to fire it”
 
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About shovonc

Amateur Humourist. In his spare time, works for ad agencies Street Life and Brands on E. Provides service to clients who cannot find anyone cheaper. Too old to immigrate, and too young to give up.

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